I, Fool

At the risk of coming across as a born-again Rivendellite, let me confess my bike sins both ancient and relatively recent.

When I was a lad lusting after a real bike, I tried to save weight on my J.C. Penny bike by taking off the wheel and pedal reflectors. I have been known to take off wheel reflectors since then, too. Now what's the sense of that? It's because I thought that the few ounces they weighed might "make a difference." To what? My Tour de France time? And did I think those reflectors weren't useful for, say, being seen by cars? Apparently not. I knew I couldn't be killed.

This, then, is my first bike sin: thinking that weight (at least on the ounce level) makes a difference.

My next sin? When I rode down the west coast at age 17, I carried my helmet on top of my panniers. The one time I fell, the car that was following me came to a stop with one wheel in the helmet that was tied to the panniers. Enough said. I'm mostly over that sin.

On that same trip I convinced my buddies that skinny tires (back then that meant 27 x 1 1/8) were just the ticket to make us go FAST FAST FAST. Those tires wore out in (and I kid not) five days. Right down to the casings. We must have had 20 flat tires a day before we replaced them with big beefy Hutchisons.

So forgive me the sin of thinking skinny tires are good. I now ride 50mm tires on the slush mobile, 35mm Pacelas on the touring Trek, and 28mm Pacelas on my Rambouillet. (A bit thinner than I should have, but I want my bikes to feel different.)

Most of my biking life I have fastened my feet to the pedals, mostly with toe clips and straps. I was sure it made a difference. I finally gave in about five years ago and got click-in shoes and pedals. Now I would win the Tour de France for sure! Except I fell several times (scraping myself up quite badly) when I couldn't get out, and my knee started hurting (and not just from lacerations). So I took the plunge and followed Grant Peterson's advice and disconnected myself. I got nice wide pedals, no straps, no clips, no nothing. Not cool, perhaps, but nice. My knees don't hurt, I'm no longer in danger of hurting/killing myself by falling while inextricably fastened to my bike, I don't notice myself exerting myself any harder, my pinky toes no longer fall asleep, and I can wear any shoes. Nice!

My next sin involves bicycle shorts. I wore them for many years. Again, I was sure it made a difference. EVERYONE wears biking shorts. They must be right. Right? Who needs pockets? Who needs underwear? Who doesn't want to look like they're in the Tour de France? They're so AERODYNAMIC!

But last summer I rode about two thirds of the time with thin-seam athletic shorts (or Rivendell baggies). I experimented with different kinds of underwear. I can't say that I prefer one thing over another (except I like having pockets and not looking like a freak). But I know that biking shorts aren't the be-all and end-all of bike fashion and comfort.

I have never succumbed to the temptation to wear bike jerseys. T shirts have always worked pretty well. Last summer I wore a super-light Melanzana long sleeve shirt to protect my arms from the sun. It was quite nice. I wish it had pockets.

Now, I suppose I can be forgiven these sins, since everyone commits them. (Well, nearly everyone, or at least nearly every "serious" biker.) And it's conventional wisdom, not to be questioned: Of course you fasten yourself to your pedals (even though studies show that NO ONE pulls up on the pedal, except in very short hill climbs); of course you get the titanium frame seat because those 4 oz. will make a difference, even if you're not in the Tour de France; of course you take those dorky reflectors out of your wheels--they're dorky!

I'm not sure why all bikers, even cool ones, wear helmets these days. But of course everyone has a helmet that has a swoopy back end that makes you more aerodynamic for your Tour de France time trials, even though it makes no sense to have a helmet that has a bunch of points sticking out the back which can hook on things and pull your helmet off. Why aren't helmets (other than the Bell Citi and Metro) ROUND in back? Wouldn't it be safer?

But I digress from my sins. It is not for me to expiate the sins of the biking world. I can only atone for my own. (I didn't even mention the sin of having a "bike computer" which causes me to strive for ever-higher average speeds on my rides.)

I'm slowly coming to my senses, conquering my fear of non-conformity. I'm a little embarrassed to ride up to a group of bikers in their Starship Enterprise jerseys and their Robo-Cop-worthy high-tech equipment, but why should I be? I'm just having a little bike ride. I'm not racing. I'm not in a bike pageant. (Well, my Rambouillet is one of the most beautiful bikes on the road, so I'd probably win a bike pageant.) I don't care what all the gear-heads in the world think!

Sigh.