Fat? Forget Exercise

Trust me: The secret to losing weight is eating less. You can bike relatively hard for two hours every day and not lose an ounce if you compensate for the extra exertion by eating more. I am the living proof of it.

I see people laboring by on their 30-minute jogs, thinking they're going to lose weight as a result.

They aren't.

Hey, people: You want to lose weight? Eat less. And I don't mean diet. I mean EAT LESS ALWAYS. Don't eat lunch, or at least not more than an apple. Don't take a large portion at dinner, and certainly don't take seconds. Do have a little Ben and Jerry's Coffee Heathbar Crunch every night--BUT NOT THE WHOLE PINT, YOU KNUCKLEHEAD!

And forget the once a day, 30-minute jog. It'll just wreck your knees. Walk more, eat less, jog not at all. You'll be thinner, healthier, and happier.

Now if I could practice what I preach. Actually, I do, right up until evening, when I start snacking, and then I snack all night. And I mean all night. I don't sleep. All I do is snack, dusk to dawn. Cases of Fritos. Dozens of Krispy Kremes. Gallons of ice cream.

At least that's how it seems.